Unsolicited attention to detail

The children and I ran into one of the ballet mommies the other day while walking through town. You might know where this is going.

She's actually one of the really nice ballet mommies and we hadn't seen her all summer, so we stopped to catch up.

She complimented my new haircut and I asked how her twin girls were doing. It took about three minutes to get up to speed and we were on our way.

As I turned to walk away after our pleasant conversation, she gasped.

"You're pregnant!" she exclaimed, pointing to my bulging abdomen.

"Yes," I smiled and turned back for the onslaught of questions, which I actually enjoy answering over and over. It's exciting to be anticipating new life. Even strangers and casual acquaintances delight in it.

I didn't even mind it when she reached out to touch my belly. But then she did something weird. She proceeded to lift up my shirt to get a closer glimpse, exposing the ugly top of my very unattractive maternity pants for all the world to see!

I quickly backed away with an uncomfortable grin, knowing all of the passing traffic had witnessed this exposure and we swiftly said our good-byes.

Now, I'll cut ballet mommy a little slack. Perhaps the sun was a little hot that day and she couldn't think clearly. Maybe she really adores a pregnant body and couldn't help but steal a closer glimpse.

No. She should have known better, having been an expectant mother of twins at one time in her life.

You never, ever expose to public scrutiny the intricate systems designed for keeping a pregnant woman's pants in place!

It's a woman's own business whether she has looped a rubber band through her fly to give it extra "give," or whether she has fastened a mess of safety pins into her husband's jeans to wear when nothing else will work.

And then there are those specially made maternity waistbands, which consist of thick elastic bands, oddly placed buttons, abdomen-spanning flies and stretchy panels that look like kangaroo pouches.

There's a lesson to be learned from reviewing all of this unpleasant garment-hoisting imagery: Pregnancy is an awkward stage. We girls have enough trouble finding satisfaction with our own bodies when they aren't being pushed on from the inside by a bulging sac of fluid containing a rapidly growing collection of what feels like a dozen knees and elbows. For Pete's sake, don't draw any more attention to it than you have to!