Boys

Dear Little C,

I stood back and watched you a lot last week and this is what I saw.

I felt you squeeze my hand a little tighter when I delivered you to your Bible study class on Wednesday. You grinned shyly at the ladies who take care of you there, and while I could feel you holding tightly to me, I could see that you really wanted to play alongside your big sister and the friends you've made there during the past few months.

And when I picked you up, the teachers told me that you've already learned this month's Bible verse and can recite it from memory.

You're learning. You're making friends. You're dabbling in independence. You're doing things without me.

On Thursday, through the window at gymnastics I watched you tumble and climb. Then I witnessed in disbelief what I think was your first endeavor into rough-housing with another boy in your class. You poked at each others' faces, nudged and shoved each other and wrestled a little.

Your coach told me after class that he had to reign you in a bit and that you're becoming a big boy now and I can be expecting a lot more of that type of rough play. (Not my sweet C!)

I shouldn't be surprised, I guess. You're a boy. You yearn to accomplish challenging physical feats. You're a climber, a jumper and a tumbler extraordinaire.

At the library today, I watched you fish out fire-breathing dragons, long-tailed dinosaurs, an alligator, a shark and lots of fierce, toothy characters from the bin of hand puppets there.

Then I saw you eying another boy -- just a little older than you -- while he played with similar creatures, only his puppets were saying to one another: "You're dead. No, you're dead."

I knew what was coming next. You came over to me with your terrible lizards and told me that they were "dead," not having the slightest clue what that word meant, but knowing that if an older boy was saying it, it must be cool.

We had to have a talk about nicer things to say. I felt all-together ill-equipped for that conversation. I didn't want to hinder your creativity, but I didn't like the way those words made you sound.

I can see now, how very different you are from that innocent toddler who used to hang on his sister's every word and sit happily on my hip while we went about our days.

Now you have your own ideas. You have an opinion. You are creative. You are trying on new characters and discovering who you want to be.

It's important for Papa and I to teach you about virtue, respect, compassion and so many other things that will serve you well in this life. It's important for you to learn those things because you have a baby brother now, and he will soon be watching your every move. He needs you to show him the way.