I: The Grower of People

I always knew I'd be a mom. I always knew I'd stay home full time to raise my children no matter where I was in my career path when that happened. But I didn't know anything else about what my life as a mom would entail until my babies arrived.

First came L, roaring like a tiny lion. She was thoughtful, intense, brooding at times, content at my breast and in her Papa's arms, but wholly uncomfortable with the rest of the world. She cried a lot and slept little. I adored her but didn't know what to do with her.



I blamed myself for her unhappiness and spent my days learning how to meet her ever-changing needs. I felt jealous of my husband, who seemed to go about his days as if nothing had changed for him, while I would never separate myself from our daughter and my life looked very little like what it was before. All the while I felt myself falling more deeply in love with this brown-eyed beauty with each passing moment. I knew I was becoming a truer version of myself because of her very existence.

To be sure, these were difficult first months as a family of three. I eventually learned to trust my instincts, pray for patience by the hour and cling to the support of other young mothers who had walked the very same path just steps before me. I learned to tell my husband how I was feeling and to turn to him as a partner in parenting. I learned to let L be who she is and not to apologize to everyone else for her not being the lovey, smiley baby they wanted her to be. I didn't just become a mom. I became L's mother.

When C arrived, I fell in love with him, too, though in somewhat different ways. He was tiny, quiet, content and sleepy. And he's a boy, which makes the way I relate to him different somehow.



C needed protecting from the very beginning. I found myself battling the personnel at the hospital where he was born to get them to stop taking him away from me to run tests to make sure he was "healthy," when what he needed most was to be in my arms. Once he came home, he didn't leave my arms for most of the next year of his life.

I had new confidence in my role as a parent, and N had settled into his role, too. We had become bolder in our parenting choices and learned to savor the precious, fleeting moments of infancy.

Now we wait on our third baby. I am both scared and excited to see what waits for us in this child. This baby is not L or C, but someone completely new. I can't wait to be shaped by this little one, too, in unexpected ways.

In addition to molding myself to the individual needs of my children, I've had to become an expert on a lot of random topics as a mom.

I've found that keeping good-quality art supplies and loads of scratch paper within reach of a pre-schooler's arms can regularly produce inspired works of art.

I discovered early on that simply reading a picture book like you mean it will get your child to love books, too.

I know that melt-away homeopathic red onion pills and an oil burner with eucalyptus drops can keep stuffy noses from ruining a night's sleep with a cold.

I know that a half-cup of Borax can remove urine odor from a laundry load of training undies.

I've become adept at cleaning without toxic chemicals, packing lunches with minimal amounts of plastic and selecting the best foods at the grocery store without spending a load of cash.

I've learned to sing lullabies, take better pictures and to build a zoo out of foam play mats and stuffed animals.



I am a playdate coordinator, schedule juggler, menu planner, gorilla-back ride giver, snack toter, story-teller, Play-Doh sculptor, snuggler, Lego builder, tear sopper, hair washer and consummate giver of reassurance.

This be I: Mama.