Great expectations

We've been struggling with our 2-year-old these days.

I know it probably doesn't need clarifying, but in case you've never spent time with a toddler, here's a brief rundown of some of the hallmarks of this age:

Stubbornness. Whining. Shouting. Hitting. Tantrums. The general need to assert some form of control as a result of being told what to do all day long by parents and older siblings. A persistent requirement of negotiation over big and small decisions, including clothing choices, seating arrangements at dinner, hair-washing and how many books we'll read at bedtime.



Sometimes we can strike a bargain--like today when we compromised and we decided he could eat his breakfast while he went potty. Other times there's no suitable solution and there are just tears.

Our C is fully 2, and frankly it's wearing us all to a frazzle some days.

Now, I know I should be patient with him, and I work hard at this, though not altogether successfully.

I know I shouldn't raise my voice on my third request for C's attention. I know I need to get close to him and lock eyes with him in order to elicit understanding. I know he needs extra love right now because this time is frustrating for him, too.

But yesterday I was reminded of the importance of my perspective in our current parenting predicament. I need to put my relationship with C above my expectations of him.

In my weekly Bible study, we're discussing Abram. Yesterday we talked about how he and Sarai, in their old age, became weary of waiting for the son God had promised them, and went ahead with their own plan to have a substitute wife bear a child for Abram.

The message is that we're all waiting on God for something. We're waiting for a promotion, a bigger house, for the kids to go off to school and give us a break. But it's dangerous for us to hasten the coming of these next-best-things to the detriment of building a closer relationship with God right now.

I want C to be potty-trained. I want him to stop with the tantrums. I can't wait for a little emotional stability around here. Meanwhile, C is still C. He's my smart, silly, thoughtful, curious, active and mostly lovable son. I don't want to miss out on building a bond with him now because I'm so exasperated with all of his 2-year-old antics.

I can't always be correcting him. I have to be playing with him and getting to know this new version of him, too.

That requires more time, more patience, more forgiveness and an attempt at not only tolerating difficult behavior, but really trying to understanding the causes of it.

I don't know if I have the energy to do all of this, but it's my life's work right now to keep trying.